Monday, July 28, 2008

Sick And Tired

Good day to all of you! It is I, the great one! Muahahaha! I am sick, down with flu and cough, with a little phlegm. The colour of my phlegm is green. I had bee hoon for lunch and porridge for dinner. As I am typing this, my nose wouldn't stop running. I am sniffling all the way, I guess I should really stop now and head right to bed, I wanna go for the run tomorrow in camp, but don't think I'll be recovered by then. I looked at myself in the mirror just now. My moustache is unshaven, I have a pimple, my eyebags are getting darker and I'm getting fatter. I should really start out on more cardio exercises soon. I just hope that my body would be able to recover faster.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I love M&M's

Once upon a time there lived a king.

The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what; metal, wood, stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians.

One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan next day, he held a competition.

Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her

and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted, and the prince went away sadly. =(

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.

But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. :-[

The third prince approached. He told the princess,

"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed.

Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.



Question: What was in the prince's pants?










Answer: M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

Installing Love

Installing Love

Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?


Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?


Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?


Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?


Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?


Tech Support: What programs are running ?


Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.


Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?


Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?


Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.


Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?


Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.


Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?


Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.


Customer: So, what should I do?


Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.


Customer: Okay, done.


Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?


Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.


Customer: Thank you, God.


--
If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.-- C.S. Lewis

Joke Muthu

Dear all,

Joke of the day to cheer you up...

*MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER*
Interviewer : 'What is your birth date?'
Muthu : '13th October.'
Interviewer : 'Which year?'
Muthu : 'Every year.'

*****

* MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview....
'Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?'
Muthu replied: 'P-O-S-T-B-O-X.'

*****

* MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, 'Do I
look like a foreigner?'
Wife: 'No! Why?'
Muthu : 'In London, a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's why.'
Wife : ?????????


*****
*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his
village...
and Muthu said .. 'No sir, only babies were born here.'


*****

*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg
and told it to 'WALK! WALK!' The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its
fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly,
Muthu said loudly, 'I found it. If we cut a
cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.'

*****

*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorized tricycle, the driver
adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife, eh?
Sit in the back. I will drive.'

*****

* MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards
the signboard '*WASH BASIN* '

*****

*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART*
Interviewer : 'Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and
it's on fire. How will you escape?'
Muthu: 'It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination.'

*****

*Oh... Lest I forget ............. the funniest...*
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read '*PRESS*' pinned on the
right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!

Eight Lies Of A Mother

Editor's Note : I picked this out from an email that was sent to me, and I'd like to share it with you. =)



EIGHT LIES OF A MOTHER

This story begins when I was a child: I was born
poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had
some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice.
While she was transferring her rice into my bowl,
she would say 'Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry.'
This was Mother's First Lie.

As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in
a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish
she caught, she could give me a little bit more
nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught
just two fish, she would make fish soup. While I was
eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat
what was still left on the bone of the fish I had
eaten; My heart was touched when I saw it. Once I
gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she
immediately refused it and said, 'Eat this fish,
son! I don't really like fish.'
This was Mother's Second Lie.

Then, in order to fund my education, Mother went to
a Match Factory to bring home some used matchboxes
which she filled with fresh matchsticks. This helped
her get some money to cover our needs. One wintry
night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes
by candlelight. So I said, 'Mother, go to sleep;
it's late: you can continue working tomorrow
morning.' Mother smiled and said 'Go to sleep, son!
I'm not tired.'
This was Mother's Third Lie

When I had to sit my Final Examination, Mother
accompanied me. After dawn, Mother waited for me for
hours in the heat of the sun. When the bell rang, I
ran to meet her. Mother embraced me and poured me a
glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos. The
tea was not as strong as my Mother's love, Seeing
Mother covered with perspiration; I at once gave her
my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said
'Drink, son! I'm not thirsty!
This was Mother's Fourth Lie.

After Father's death, Mother had to play the role of
a single parent. She held on to her former job; she
had to fund our needs alone. Our family's life was
more complicated. We suffered from starvation.
Seeing our family's condition worsening, my kind
Uncle who lived near my house came to help us solve
our problems big and small. Our other neighbors saw
that we were poverty stricken so they often advised
my mother to marry again. But Mother refused to
remarry saying 'I don't need love.'
This was Mother's Fifth Lie.

After I had finished my studies and gotten a job, it
was time for my old Mother to retire but she carried
on going to the market every morning just to sell a
few vegetables. I kept sending her money but she was
steadfast and even sent the money back to me. She
said, 'I have enough money.'
That was Mother's Sixth Lie.

I continued my part-time studies for my Master's
Degree. Funded by the American Corporation for which
I worked, I succeeded in my studies. With a big jump
in my salary, I decided to bring Mother to enjoy
life in America but Mother didn't want to bother her
son; she said to me 'I'm not used to high living.'
That was Mother's Seventh Lie

In her dotage, Mother was attacked by cancer and had
to be hospitalized. Now living far across the ocean,
I went home to visit Mother who was bedridden after
an operation. Mother tried to smile but I was
heartbroken because she was so thin and feeble but
Mother said, 'Don't cry, son! I'm not in pain.'
That was Mother's Eighth Lie.

Telling me this, her eighth lie, she died.
YES, MOTHER WAS AN ANGEL!

> > M - O - T - H - E - R
'M' is for the Million things she gave me,
'O' means Only that she's growing old,
'T' is for the Tears she shed to save me,
'H' is for her Heart of gold,
'E' is for her Eyes with love-light shining in them,
'R' means Right, and right she'll always be, Put
them all together, they spell 'MOTHER' a word that
means the world to me. For those of you who are
lucky to be still blessed with your Mom's presence
on Earth, this story is beautiful. For those who
aren't so blessed, this is even more beautiful.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Exploding Mailbox!

Well, I've been sorting through all my emails recently, found a lot of junk in it. Including chain letters, scams, spams, hoaxes. Worst thing is that most of it are dated all the way back to three to four years ago. Haha.. its amazing that I've been able to ignore all the emails. Guess having a huge space for email accounts really helps a lot. I've seen all the mails and searched up an interesting site that I'd like to share. This site helped me sort through most of the garbage and learned quite a lot about chain mails.

Baby Rachael email

Opened my email and saw this, something about a 29 year old dad whose daughter is having brain cancer. Just another hoax, but the poem sure does look good.

TO MY CHILD


Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.


Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry and pick you up and take you to the park to play.


Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.


Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.


Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.


Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.


Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.


Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.


Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.


Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.


Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.


I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms. The mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming inside that little body .

And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day..............

Which Baby are you?????

JANUARY BABY
pretty/handsome.
Loves to dress up.
Easily bored.
Fussy.
Seldom shows emotions.
Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive.
Down-to-Earth.
Stubborn.

FEBRUARY BABY
Abstract thoughts.
Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever.
Changing personality.
Attractive.
sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental.
Quiet, shy and humble.
Honest and loyal.
Determined to reach goals.
Loves freedom.
Rebellious when restricted.
Loves aggressiveness.
Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things.
Loves making friends but rarely shows it.
Horny.
Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious.
Realizing dreams and hopes.
Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure.
Romantic on the inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift.
Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH BABY
Attractive personality.
Sexy.
Affectionate Shy and reserved.
Secretive.
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic.
Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others.
Great kisser.
Easily angered.
Trustworthy.
Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions.
Tends to bottle up feelings.
Observant and assesses others.

APRIL BABY
Suave and compromising.
Funny and humorous.
Stubborn.
Very talkative.
Calm and cool.
Kind and sympathetic.
Concerned and detailed.
Loyal.
Does work well with others.
Very confident.
Sensitive.
Positive Attitude.
Thinking generous.
Good memory.
Clever and knowledgeable.
Loves to look for information.
Able to cheer evryone up and/or make them laugh.
Able to motivate oneself and others.
Understanding.
Fun to be around.
Outgoing.
Hyper.
Bubbly personality.
Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy.
Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling.
Systematic.
Hott but has brains.

MAY BABY
Stubborn and hard-hearted.
Strong-willed and highly motivated.
Sharp thoughts.
Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention.
Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally.
Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation.
Shy towards oppisite sex.
Easily consoled.
Systematic (left brain).
Loves to dream.
Strong clairvoyance.
Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck.
Good imagination.
Good physical.
Weak breathing.
Loves literature and the arts.
Loves traveling.
Dislike being at home.
Restless.
Not having many children.
Hardworking.
High spirited.

JUNE BABY
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around.
You love to make new friends and be outgoing.
You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner.
A wicked hottie.
It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection.
You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!!

JULY BABY
Fun to be with.
Secretive.
Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself.
Has reputation.
Easily consoled.
Honest.
Concerned about people's feelings.
Tactful.
Friendly.
Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt.
Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.
Not revengeful.
Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally.
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully.
Caring and loving.
Treats others equally.
Strong sense of sympathy.
Wary and sharp.
Judges people through observations.
Hardworking.
No difficulties in studying.
Loves to be alone.
Always broods about the past and the old friends.
Waits for friends.
Never looks for friends.
Not aggressive unless provoked.
Loves to be loved.
Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST BABY
Outgoing personality.
takes risks.
feeds on attention.
no self control.
kind hearted.
self confident.
loud and boisterous.
VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to.
has an "every thing's peachy" attitude.
likes talking and singing.
loves music.
daydreamer. easily distracted.
Hates not being trusted.
BIG imagination. loves to be loved.
hates studying. in need of "that someone".
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted.
lives by "no pain no gain" caring.
always a suspect.
playful.
mysterious.
"charming" or "beautiful" to everyone.
stubborn.
curious.
independent.
strong willed.
a fighter.

SEPTEMBER BABY
Active and dynamic.
Decisive and haste but tends to regret.
Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality.
Loves attention.
Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless.
Adventurous.
Loving and caring.
Suave and generous.
Usually you have many friends.
Enjoys to make love.
Emotional.
Stubborn.
Hasty.
Good memory.
Moving, motivates oneself and others.
Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.

OCTOBER BABY
Loves to chat.
Loves those who love them.
Loves to takes things at the center.
Inner and physical beauty.
Lies but doesn't pretend.
Gets angry often.
Treats friends importantly.
Brave and fearless.
Always making friends.
Easily hurt but recovers easily.
Daydreamer.
Opinionated.
Does not care to control emotions.
Unpredictable.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

NOVEMBER BABY
Trustworthy and loyal.
Very passionate and dangerous.
Wild at times.
Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious.
Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality.
Playful, but secretive.
Very emotional and temperamental sometimes.
Meets new people easily and very social in a group.
Fearless and independent.
Can hold their own.
Stands out in a crowd.
Essentially very smart.
Usually, the greatest men are born in this month.
If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.

DECEMBER BABY
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months!
Loyal and generous.
Patriotic.
Competitive in everything.
Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty.
Ambitious.
Influential in organizations.
Fun to be with.
Easy to talk to, though hard to understand.
Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know.
Easily influenced by kindness.
Polite and soft-spoken.
Having lots of ideas.
Sensitive.
Active mind.
Hesitating, tends to delay.
Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental.
Funny and humorous.
Loves to joke.
Good debating skills.
Has that someone always on his/her mind.
Talkative.
Daydreamer.
Friendly.
Knows how to make friends.
Abiding.
Able to show character.
One guy/girl kind of person.
Loveable.
Easily hurt.
Prone to getting colds.
loves music.
pretty/handsome.
Loves to dress up.
Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions.
Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive.

Mixed Up letters

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.



ONLY FORWARD IF YOU CAN READ THIS

Thankful of life

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Kendo

Editor's Note: I wanted to pick up Kendo, too bad I didn't have the willpower to go for it. Haha..."p

Kendo, originally derivied from Kenjutsu (battlefield techniques), became an established art with formal schools of swordsmanship forming around the 14th Century. Different schools proliferated and were based on different techniques learned through experience.

Teaching in these schools gradually evolved from using real swords to using wooden swords. The introduction of the Shinai, a pliable bamboo sword, in the 18th Century was a major breakthrough in the development of Kendo. Shortly after the Kote (fencing gauntlet), Dou (abdomen protector), Tare (hip and groin protector) and Men (head protector) were invented and gained popular usage in the Dojo (fencing hall). With the advent of the new equipment, the swordsman was no longer hindered by the risk of injury during practice and could concentrate totally on his technique.

Things To Do During A Blackout

Don't act blur during a blackout! Here's a list of activities to indulge in when being kept in the dark...

1. First, take off your sunglasses.

2. Be subversive: leave the office without swiping out.

3. Finally! Walk around naked in your own flat without being worried about kaypoh neighbours reporting you to the police.

4. Shout loudly out the window so everyone can hear: “And unless you pay me two million dollars, I won’t bring back the sun!”

5. Use flashlight to send morse code signals to the flat across from you.

6. Use flashlights to have low budget lightsabre battles with your family.

7. Actually have a conversation with your family instead of just SMSing them.

8. Pick your nose and flick the boogers wherever you like.

9. Hide in the corridor and make lots of ghostly moaning, groaning and “woooooo” sounds.

10. Endure Grandpa gloatingly tell you how this sort of thing used to happen all the time back in the old days and how pampered you “chewren” are “nowsaday”…

11. Make love to an ugly person. (No light, can’t tell they’re ugly, mah!)

12. Continue doing assessment books by candlelight. What, you think blackout only, no need to study, ah?

13. Engage in “multi-level” marketing: go from floor to floor selling candles and flashlights to desperate neighbours.

14. Fold sheets of paper into fans and start selling them to the air-con addicts in your estate.

15. Wonder whether Minister homes also kena this sort of thing.

17. Organize Stevie Wonder singalong sessions.

18. Faster eat all the ice-cream in your freezer before it melts.

19. Also better faster drink all the beer in your fridge before it gets warm.

20. After that, find a comfy place to stage a personal ‘blackout’ of your own.



More of these @ talkingcock.com

Bobby is a bad boy

Editor's Note :


Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his
mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble
at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved
to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last
year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this
year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for
your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down
to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.

Letter 3

Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike
for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4

God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be
a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him
a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom
that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had
worked,as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's
mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby
went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone
was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary.He
slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the
street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room
and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his
letter to God.

Letter 5

God,
I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO

Changi Village and its wonders

Editor's Note : I had to do this essay during my secondary school days. We were assigned groups , a place that we had to go and write an essay about that particular place. We got Changi Village. The place where the g*y (rhymes with lay) beach was located at. But no, we did not see any g*ys there that day. I have to add on that another fun place near Changi would be the "MOE Changi Coast Adventure Centre". There are lots of stuff to do there. Its like a mini boot camp for all schoolers and corporations.




The place of visit was Changi Village, a place of tranquility, which shows a relaxed side of Singapore. It is a paradise for food and leisure guaranteed to rejuvenate your body and soul. The local beach has clean sand that attracts fishermen and bathers alike, especially on weekends. Sea bathing, picnic, surfing or just shell picking are common sights. (Envision the scene: lazing on the hammock under the tropical trees and listening to the cool sounds of the chipping birds.) In the village itself, there are plenty of bargains to be found, such as T-shirts, electronic equipment, carpets, Indian cotton clothing, shoes, batik dresses, kimonos and all types of table linen. The main village square has a food centre serving local dishes, flanked by cozy eateries of local and foreign cuisine.

In times of hunger, one can always head for the food centre or try one of the restaurants along the main street. Relax in the shade of an umbrella, order some fresh seafood and watch the world go by. A suitable dining place would be ’The Bark Cafe' (next to the Changi museum), which is an open-air restaurant where one can relax, unwind and enjoy fine dining with family and friends. The restaurant offers a range of food based on cosmopolitan cuisine; ala carte menus and a good range of beverages are available.

Especially in gluttony reigned food paradise like Singapore, the popularity of a place is often determined by what good food you can find there, even if it means going to great lengths or miles to get it. Changi Village's survival and charm is no doubt sustained by the fodder it offers. There are some people still queuing at 4am to satisfy their cravings for the famous Nasi Lemak at the Changi Village Food Centre (International Muslim Food Store). Some others would just work out their stomachs for some savory delights at nearby cafeterias such as the ‘Charlie Snack Bar’, which is a regular haunt for beer aficionados and fans of their top-notch chilli dogs and fish and chips.

Moving on to a more appealing search, there were several transvestites found flocking up in the village in different shapes and sizes and there were lots of people ogling at them. It would appear to tourists that the second main attraction of Changi Village would be the transvestites when it is actually not the case.

The Changi Village Boat jetty is also one of the more famous attractions that has bumboats bringing people to Pulau Ubin. The bumboat service operates from 6.00 am to 11.00 pm by private operators. The fare for a single trip is $1.50 at all times, $2.50 if a bike is brought over. The boat will only leave the jetty when there are 12 passengers, or if someone is willing to charter the whole boat for S$18.00.

The Changi Chapel & Museum which is within the vicinity is also well worth a visit. The Museum not only inspires future generations to come and deepen their appreciation of the heroic and inspirational stories that took place in Changi, it is also dedicated to all those who lived and died in Singapore, in particular the Changi area, during the dark years of World War II. The Changi Chapel, housed within the open-air courtyard of the new museum, is a representative replica of the many chapels that were built during World War II. Today, it stands as a monument for those who would not buckle under Japanese rule, and who kept their faith and dignity in the face of seemingly hopeless odds.

Therefore, Changi Village would be the most appropriate place that would guarantee Singaporeans a relaxing break from their hectic lives to recharge and revive under the waft of cool winds, far from the crowds of downtown Singapore, as well as to gain knowledge on our heritage.



P.S/ You really gotta excuse my use of language back then. I was young, what to do? Haha...Anyway, if anyone is appauled or is uncomfortable with this, any inconveninece caused is deeply regretted.

Fear Of - Phobia Names

Editor's Note : I can't believe how many things people can be afraid of. And this is just a list of some stuff.Some of which I find rather ridiculous. But guess to that particular person, it just can't be helped. May be due to some childhood trauma. I like the last one, haha. You can pose it off as an excuse to your parents why you flunked in your exams. LOl...

Beards-Pogonophobia
Blood- Haematophobia
Cancer- Cancerophobia
Childbirth- Tocophobia
Cholera- Choleraphobia
Death, corpses- Necrophobia
Deformity- Dysmorphophobia
Disease- Nosophobia
Drugs- Pharmacopophobia
Eyes- Ommatophobia
Faeces- Coprophobia
Germs- Spermophobia
Hair- Chaetophobia
Heart Conditions- Cardiophobia
Heredity- Patroiophobia
Illness- Nosemaphobia
Infection- Mysophobia
Injections- Tryanophobia
Insanity- Maniaphobia
Knees- Genuphobia
Leprosy- Leprophobia
Mind- Psychophobia
Physical Love- Erotophobia
Poison- toxiphobia
Pregnancy- Maieusiophobia
Semen- Spermatophobia
Sex- Genophobia
Sexual Intercourse- Coitophobia
Skin- Dermatophobia
Skin Disease- Dermatosiophobia
Soiling- Rypophobia
Surgical Operations- Ergasiophobia
Syphilis- Sypilophobia
Teeth- Odontophobia
Tuberculosis- Phthisiophobia
Venereal Disease- Cypridophobia
Vomiting- Emetophobia
Wounds- Traumatophobia


Animals & Plants
Animals- Zoophobia
Bacteria- Bacteriophobia
Bees- Apiphobia
Birds- Ornithophobia
Cats- Ailurophobia
Chickens- Alektorophobia
Crabs- Kabourophobia
Dogs- Cynophobia
Feathers- Pteronophobia
Fish- Ichthyophobia
Flowers- Anthophobia
Fur- Doraphobia
Horses- Hippophobia
Insects- Entomophobia
Leaves- Phyllophobia
Lice- Pediculophobia
Mice- Musophobia
Microbes- Bacilliphobia
Parasites- Parasitophobia
Reptiles- Batrachophobia
Snakes- Ophidophobia
Spiders- Arachnophobia
Trees- Dendrophobia
Wasps- Spheksophobia
Worms- Helminthophobia


Inanimate Objects
Books- Biblophobia
Crystals- Crystallophobia
Glass- Nelophobia
Machinery- Mechanophobia
Metals- Metallophobia
Mirrors- Eisoptrophobia
Missiles- Ballistophobia
Money- Chrometophobia
Needles- Belonophobia
Pins- Eneteophobia
Points- Aichurophobia
Slime- blennophobia
String- Linonophobia


Senses
Being Cold- Frigophobia
Being Dirty- Automysophobia
Being Scratched- Amychophobia
Being Touched- Hphephobia
Blushing- Ereuthrophobia
Cold- Cheimatophobia
Colour- Chromatophobia
Fatigue- Kopophobia
Heat- Thermophobia
Itching- Acarophobia
Noise- Phonophobia
Odours- Osmophobia
Odours (body)- Osphresiophobia
Pain- Algrophobia
Pleasure- Hedonophobia
Sleep- Hypnophobia
Smells- Olfactophobia
Smothering, choking- Pnigerophobia
Sounds- Akoustiophobia
Speaking- Halophobia
Speaking Aloud- Phonophobia
Speech- Alophobia
Sourness- Acerophobia
Strings- Cnidophobia
Stooping- Kyphophobia
Taste- Geumatophobia
Thinking- Phronemophobia
Touch- Haptophobia
Touching- Thixophobia
Trembling- Tremophobia


Groups
Children- Paediphobia
Human Beings- Anthrophobia
Men- Androphobia
Robbers- Harpaxophobia
Women- Gynophobia
Young Girls- Parthenophobia
Clowns- Joeyphobia
Lawyers- Attorneyphobia
Homosexuals - Homophobia


Religion
Churches- Ecclesiaphobia
Demons- Demonnophobia
God- Theophobia
Heaven- Ouranophobia
Hell- Hadephobia
Sacred Things- Hierophobia
Satan- Satanophobia
Sinning- Peccatophobia



Travel
Crossing Bridges- Gephyrophobia
Crossing Streets- Dromophobia
Flying- Aerophobia
Motion- Kinesophobia
Sea Swell- Cymophobia
Speed- Tachophobia
Travelling by Train- Siderodromophobia
Vehicles- Amaxophobia
Walking- Basiphobia


Enviroment
Auroral Lights- Auroraphobia
Clouds- Nephophobia
Dampness, moisture
Hygrophobia
Flood- Antlophobia
Fog- Homichlophobia
Ice, Frost- Cryophobia
Lakes- Imnophobia
Lightning- Astraphobia
Meteors- Meteorophobia
Precipices- Cremnophobia
Rain- Ombrophobia
Rivers- Potamophobia
Sea- Thalassophobia
Snow- Chionophobia
Stars- Siderophobia
Sun- Heliophobia
Thunder- Brontophobia,
Keraunophobia
Water- Hydrophobia
Wind- Ancraophobia



Food & Drink
Alcohol- Potophobia
Drinking- Dipsophobia
Eating- Phagophobia
Food- Sitophobia
Meat- Carnophobia


Situations
Being Alone- Monophobia
Being Beaten-
Rhabdophobia
Being Bound-
Merinthophobia
Being Buried Alive- Taphophobia
Being Looked at-
Scopophobia
Crowds- Demophobia
Ochlophobia
Darkness- Nyctophobia
Dawn- Eosophobia
Daylight- Phengophobia
Depth- Bathophobia
Enclosed Spaces- Claustrophobia
Going to Bed- Clinophobia
Gravity- Barophobia
Heights- Acrophobia,
Altophobia
High Places- Hypsophobia
Home- Domatophobia
Oikophobia
Home Surroundings- Apeirophobia
Night- Achluophobia
Passing High Objects- Batophobia
Poverty- Peniaphobia
Places- Topphobia
Public Places- Agoraphobia
Strong Light- Photophobia
School- Scholiophobia
Shadows- Sciophobia
Sitting Idle- Thaadophobia
Solitude- Eremitophobia
Eremophobia
Standing- Stasophobia
Standing Upright-
Stasiphobia



Miscellaneous
The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth- Arachibutyrophobia
Certain Names-Onomatophobia
Dirt- Mysophobia
Disorder- Ataxiophobia
Draugts- Anemophobia
Dreams- Oneirophobia
Dust- Amathophobia
Electricity- Electrophobia
Everything- Pantophobia
Failure- Kakorraphiaphobia
Fall of Man-made
satellites-Keraunothnetophobia
Fears- Phobophobia
Fire- Pyrophobia
Flashing- Selaphobia
Flogging- Mastigophobia
Ghosts- Phasmophobia
Graves- Taphophobia
Ideas- Ideophobia
Imperfection- Atelophobia
Jealousy- Zelophobia
Justice- Dikephobia
Marriage- Gamophobia
Monsters- Teratophobia
Music- Musicophobia
Names- Nomatophobia
Narrowness- Anginaphobia
Neglect of Duty-Paralipophobia
New Things- Neophobia
Novelty- Cainophobia
Nudity- Gymnophobia
Number 13-Triskaidekaphobia
One Thing- Monophobia
Punishment- Peniaphobia
Responsibility- Hypegiaphobia
Ridicule- Kategelophobia
Ruin- Atephobia
Rust- Iophobia
Shock- Hormephobia
Stealing- Kleptophobia
Void- Kenophobia
Weakness- Asthenophobia
Words- Logophobia
Work- Ergophobia
Writing- Graphophobia

Medieval but sounds nice

If love now reigned as it hath been
And were rewarded as it hath sin,
Noble men then would sure ensearch
All ways whereby they might it reach,
But envy reigneth with such disdain
And causeth lovers outwardly to refrain,
Which puts them to more and more
Inwardly most grievous and sore.
The fault in whom I cannot set,
But let them tell which love doth get--
To lovers I put now sure this case:
Which of their loves doth get them grace?
And unto them which doth it know
Better than do I, I think it so.


Henry VIII, King of England

Garden of Angels

Editor's Note : This is another story that I picked up from Reader's Digest. An interessting article to take note of our social problems nowadays. Be it in America or in other countries, such cases are occuring too fast and too rapidly. Brought about by unprotected underage sex and other related issues. We should take note of this and educate the younger generations.




After Laying dozens of tiny souls to rest, a woman takes up the fight to save young lives.

She has conducted the most solemn of rituals again and again, in the antiseptic crypts of the Los Angeles County coroner's office. After taking off the plastic wrap, Debi Faris washes and rocks each baby. "You can always see a face, and I never forget it," she says. "I rub their little hands and toes and say a prayer that people will be touched by this child. I take my time. Then I wrap the baby in a handmade blanket, place it in a casket with toys and poems, and carry it to the car for the ride back. I need to be alone for the drive. I need the silence."

Faris, 47, drives to the Garden of Angels, a small cemetery on a windswept hill 110 kilometres east of Los Angeles. Seven years ago, Faris founded the garden, which has become the final resting place for 65 babies to date, all of them abandoned in rubbish bins, tossed along highways or washed up on beaches.

"I know every one of these children's stories," Faris says. "I have become their voice. Even if they were just here for a moment, I believe they were hare for a purpose - and that purpose is to make sure we stop having burials in the Garden of Angels."

Her mission has transformed Faris from a shy, suburban mother into a lobbyist and lecturer on the national circuit in the United States. She drives along California's freeways in a silver station wagon with a rear- window banner that reads:"Don't Throw Your Baby Away!" In the US, more than 100 babies are discarded - literally thrown away - every year.

Some Americans states have passed laws allowing women to leave their unwanted but unharmed newborn babies in a designated safe place without fear of prosecution for child abandonment or loss of privacy. But when Faris started her work to save abandoned babies, California wasn't one of them.

Faris's journey beganone evening in May 1996 as she stood at the kitchen sink in her two-storey home in Yucaipa, California, cutting potatoes for the dinner she was preparing for her husband, Mark, a sales executive, her then-teenage sons, Brandon and Ryan, and daughter Jessica, ten. She was half-listening to the television when a news story caught her attention. A newborn boy had been found in a duffel bag along a freeway.

"Tossed out of the window like trash!" she exclaims, still amazed. "It just stopped me. Who knew this baby? Who would bury it? What was the mother thinking?"
The following evening, Faris sat with her family and proposed they do something loving for the baby - that they gave him a name and a proper burial. Jessica asked in amazement, "Somebody threw their baby away?" "It touched them in the same way it touched me," Faris says.

With no clue on how to proceed, Faris telephoned the Los Angeles Police Department. "We had never received a call like that - ever," recalls Detective Peggy Leberknight, whose first thought was that the caller was involved in the homicide. She referred Faris to the Los Angeles coroner's office, where husband-and-wife investigators Doyle and Gilda Tolbert were equally sceptical. "We don't get a lot of calls about dumped babies," says Gilda.

"Look," Faris pleaded, "I know you think I'm nutty, but I'm just a lady from Yucaipa whose family has been touched by this child, and we wouldlike to take care of him." The Tolberts launched background checks on Faris, which revealed nothing untoward. And Faris's resolve to help grew even stronger when she learned that if no-one came forward to claim him following a 30-day investigation, the baby from the freeway would be cremated, stored in a box for three years with other unknowns - "including muderersand drug dealers," she says - then dumped into a communal grave.

Verdi's Requiem

I read about Verdi's Requiem once on Reader's Digest. The story really touched me. So I went and did a little research about this guy. Its quite interesting.


Rafael Schaechter, outstanding counductor and pianist, born 1905 in Romania, took music lessons in Brno, then graduated from Prague conservatory. Since 1934, Schaechter worked as a pianist in the famous E.F. Burian Theater, and as a singing-master. In 1937 he established the Chamber Opera where forgotten baroque music was played. Due to Nazi persecutions, Schaechter was cut down to private lessons and home concerts.


As Schaechter arrived in Terezin in November 1941, he was appointed to the fire brigade. How long he was a fireman is not known, but it is known that in early '42 he established a choir. In one of the concerts, for example, 15 songs were sung in Czech and Hebrew, 13 of them arranged by another Terezin musical star, young composer Gideon Klein.

In the summer 1942 Schaechter began to rehearse the opera The Bartered Bride by the Czech composer Bedrich Smetana. In November the first performance, yet without set and costumes, took place.

"For a Czech, The Bartered Bride is a folk opera, it is associated with all the previous life", a singer Bedrich Borges relates: "A Prague Jew is one third a Jew, one third Czech and one third German・And there, we were also Czechs, not only Jews. I remember, when we started to sing 'How Could We Be Happy', I was looking from the choir at the people ・they were crying. In Terezin, one felt such things stronger than in the normal world. Rafael Schaechter literally poured spirit into people. I remember, for example, how he was working with choir in opera The Kiss. I didn't sing and sat in the audience; I looked at Schaechter and thought I was looking at Johann Sebastian Bach. The man was simply impregnated by music, a rock of a man・

After The Bartered Bride and The Kiss (also by Smetana) the following operas were staged, already in scenic versions: The Enchanted Flute and Figaro's Marriage by Mozart, La Serva Padrona (The Maid Turned Mistress) by Pergolesi, and finally, Bastien and Bastienne, Mozart's idyllic pastorale with children's choir.

Requiem by Verdi became Schaechter's apotheosis. He started rehearsals in mid-1943 with a choir of 150 people and four soloists. Soon after the premiere, half of the cast was washed away by September transports. Schaechter recruited another troupe, rehearsed with them thoroughly, and set the Requiem on stage again. The end of December transports devastated the choir ・40 persons were shipped away to the death camps. And Schaechter staffs the third, and the last, cast. They perform the Requiem 15 times. Finally, the cast is deported together with the conductor・

Amazing Grace Lyrics

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, Who called me here below,
Shall be forever mine.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.


My uncle sang this at my paternal grandma's funeral long ago. I can't remember now how old I was then.

Poem by Emily Dickinson

Emily Dickinson (1830–1886)


I dreaded that first Robin, so,
But He is mastered, now,
I'm some accustomed to Him grown,
He hurts a little, though—

I thought if I could only live
Till that first Shout got by—
Not all Pianos in the Woods
Had power to mangle me—

I dared not meet the Daffodils—
For fear their Yellow Gown
Would pierce me with a fashion
So foreign to my own—

I wished the Grass would hurry—
So—when 'twas time to see—
He'd be too tall, the tallest one
Could stretch—to look at me—

I could not bear the Bees should come,
I wished they'd stay away
In those dim countries where they go,
What word had they, for me?

They're here, though; not a creature failed—
No Blossom stayed away
In gentle deference to me—
The Queen of Calvary—

Each one salutes me, as he goes,
And I, my childish Plumes,
Lift, in bereaved acknowledgement
Of their unthinking Drums—



Because I could not stop for Death—
He kindly stopped for me—
The Carriage held but just Ourselves—
And Immortality.

We slowly drove—He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility—

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess—in the Ring—
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain—
We passed the Setting Sun—

Or rather—he passed us—
The Dews drew quivering & chill—
For only Gossamer, my Gown—
My Tippet—only Tulle—

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground—
The Roof was scarcely visible—
The Cornice—in the Ground—

Since then—'tis Centuries—and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity—

Why I love Black Adder

Black Adder was a really old show by Rowan Atkinson, more commonly known for his role as "Mr. Bean". I watched this show during my secondary school days. It has a total of four series and two movies, all happening in different eras. I've placed a few dialogues that I've found that are quite interesting.

Dialogue between Blackadder and Baldrick

An indication of their relationship, from Blackadder II:

begin of dialogue...


KATE
The word is that your servant is the worst servant in London.

BLACKADDER (master)
Mmmmm. That's true. Baldrick, you're fired. Be out of the house in ten minutes.

...

BLACKADDER
Sorry, Baldrick. Any reason you're still here?

BALDRICK (servant)
I've got nowhere to go, my lord.

BLACKADDER
Oh, surely you'll be allowed to starve to death in one of the royal parks?

BALDRICK
I've been in your service since I was two and a half, my lord.

BLACKADDER
Well, that must be why I'm so utterly sick of the sight of you.

...end of dialogue


Baldrick played the role as the comic relief and as I had said earlier on, the 4 series of Black Adder revolved around different eras. What I will post below is the character development of the character Baldrick.

Baldrick - Series 1

The medieval Baldrick was probobly the only Badrick of the four who could really be desribed as clever. Baldrick, an ex-dung shoveller (a respected position, which he had had to work very hard to get-earlier jobs include milking pigs and mucking out lepers), first met Prince Edmund at the feast before the Battle of Bosworth Field. The two, along with Lord Percy, toasted their new friendship, unbeknownst that from that point onwards, their decendants lives would be eternaly entwined.

Although cleverer than the Prince, Baldrick held him in some sort of awe, and often ended up doing his dirty work. This included carrying the decapitated body of Richard III and sleeping with the Spanish Infanta, Edmund's fiance, so that Edmund didn't have to. The latter task resulted in several injuries, including a seriously blackened eye.

It was this Baldrick who suggested the title 'The Black Adder' for Prince Edmund, which his decendants later adopted as a surname.


Baldrick - series 2

The Elizabethan Baldrick, rather than being a friend, is the servant and bondsman to Lord Blackadder, who mistreats him, and, Baldrick claims, at first tried to kill him. He has a bedroom in Blackadder's house, but has also been forced to sleep in the gutter and on the roof. He has a tendancy to eat dung.

This Baldrick, whilst perhaps not as dim as his descendants, is much stupider than the original. Whilst his 'cunning plans' do sometimes have a strange, twisted and often perverse logic and cunning to them (one suggestion was that Blackadder repay his debts by making money as a male prostitute, another is to disguise a 'mad, wild, killer bull' as a rooster and entering it in a cock fight), he does show an entertaining display of stupidity. In one episode, Blackadder attempts to teach Baldrick how to add. Baldrick's conclusions, which include 'two beans plus two beans equals some beans', 'two beans plus two beans equals three beans... and that one' and 'two beans plus two beans equals a very small cassarole', leads Blackadder to comment 'to you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn't it.'

It was also in this series that the fist signs of Baldricks love of turnips was shown, in the episode 'Beer', where he and Percy famously discover a turnip shaped like a 'thingy'. Baldrick later describes the incident as 'triffic'.

Baldrick once went on an 'all mouse diet' by hanging a piece of cheese off of the end of his nose and lying with his mouth open, hoping that mice would scurry in. He later tried the same thing, with a mouse on the end of his nose to catch a cat, for variety.

Baldrick was also brides maid at Lord Blackadder's wedding, Queenie kept him as a pet calling him Lassie (Baldrick didn't complain) and he stuck two pencils up his nose, so that he could attended a Royal fancy dress party as a pencil case.


S. Baldrick - Series 3

The Baldrick of Regency Britain works as a dogsbody to Mr. E. Blackadder esq., butler to Prince George. He lives in a pipe in the upstairs water closet of the Palace.

The third Baldrick is much more noticeably stupid and disgusting than those previous to him. He is also more childlike. There is not the slightest sign of 'cunning' in any of his plans, which include escaping the guillotine by waiting until your head has been cut off, then 'springing into action' and running 'around and around the farmyard, and out the farmyard gate', in the style of a chicken, and replacing the burnt first copy of the dictionary by taking the string, which has been salvaged, and putting some in new pages (Blackadder clarifies that Baldrick is suggesting that he re-write the entire dictionary in a single night). Blackadder also claims that Baldrick has never changed his trousers, and implores him never to do so, for they are, Blackadder claims, akin to Pandora's Box.

However, dispite his noticable disabilities, this Baldrick had more success than any of the others. In an election rigged by Blackadder, he was elected MP for Dunny-on-the-Wold -a rotten borough- (although he was intended to be a puppet for Blackadder to manipulate). He was later made a Lord by Prince George, and was, therefore, eligable to sit in the House of Lords (altough whether or not he ever did so is another matter). He also succeded where no Baldrick has succeeded before of since, in calling Blackadder a 'big nosed, rubber faced, bastard'.

Baldrick used the money he recieved as a Lord to buy his dream turnip. Blackadder later destroyed it.

Baldrick isn't given any sort of first name until the third series, when he speculates that it might be "Sod Off", since his childhood friends would say "Sod Off Baldrick". A diplomatic Blackadder opts to record him as "S. Baldrick". This name appears to have been adopted by his decendants.


Private S. Baldrick - Series 4

Private Baldrick is a soldier in a First World War trench, serving under Captain Blackadder and Lieutenant George. His hero is Lord Flashheart.

Equally as disgusting as the third Baldrick, Private Baldrick is, without a doubt, the stupidest of the Baldrick dynasty to date. His 'cunning plans' verge on those of an insane person. Examples include carving his name on a bullet, in relation to the old saying 'a bullet with your name on it', his explanation being that if he owns the bullet, it won't ever kill him as he won't ever shoot himself ('shame' comments Captain Blackadder), and the chances of there being two bullets with 'Baldrick' carved into them are 'very small indeed'.

Private Baldrick's hobbies include cookery (specialities include 'Rat-O-Van'-a rat that's been hit by a van, fillet mignons in sauce bearnaise-dog turds covered in glue, plum duff-a mole hill decorated in rabbit droppings, cream custard-cat's vomit and coffee which consists of hot mud, spit, dandruff and rather dubious 'chocolate sprinkles') and poetry. Baldrick's greatest poem is, without a doubt, 'The German Guns'. The words are:

Boom, Boom, Boom,
Boom, Boom, Boom,
Boom, Boom, Boom,
Boom, Boom, Boom.

Baldrick was particularly surprised when Captain Blackadder guessed the final line. He also does a fantastic Charlie Chaplin impression (although some believe it to be a slug balancing act).

However, despite his stupidity, Private Baldrick (however inadvertantly) delivers the most profound speech of the lot. In preperation for 'the final push', tension is high, and Baldrick demands "Why can't we just stop sir? Why can't we jusy say 'no more killing, let's all go home'? Why can't we pack it in? Why?". Neither Captain Blackadder nor Lieutenant George are able to come up with a good answer.

It is believed that Private S. Baldrick was killed going 'over the top'in 1917.

History of Shintoism

Editor's Note: I added in the "Brief" part for those people who're just lazy or couldn't be bothered to read on. I first learnt of Shinto when I was in primary school. Back then, I was amazed by the Japanese Culture so I decided to do some research. I found a book in the school's library that talked about its heritage.
But I am not a practitioner of the Shinto.



Brief Description
:

Shinto is an ancient Japanese religion. Starting about 500 BCE (or earlier) it was originally "an amorphous mix of nature worship, fertility cults, divination techniques, hero worship, and shamanism." 4 Its name was derived from the Chinese words "shin tao" ("The Way of the Gods") in the 8th Century CE. At that time:
The Yamato dynasty consolidated its rule over most of Japan.
Divine origins were ascribed to the imperial family.
Shinto established itself as an official religion of Japan, along with Buddhism.

The complete separation of Japanese religion from politics did not occur until just after World War II. The Emperor was forced by the American army to renounce his divinity at that time.

Unlike most other religions, Shinto has no real founder, no written scriptures, no body of religious law, and only a very loosely-organized priesthood.


Full Description:

Shinto creation stories tell of the history and lives of the "Kami" (deities). Among them was a divine couple, Izanagi-no-mikoto and Izanami-no-mikoto, who gave birth to the Japanese islands. Their children became the deities of the various Japanese clans. Amaterasu Omikami (Sun Goddess) was one of their daughters. She is the ancestress of the Imperial Family and is regarded as the chief deity. Her shrine is at Ise. Her descendants unified the country. Her brother, Susano came down from heaven and roamed throughout the earth. He is famous for killing a great evil serpent.
The Kami are the Shinto deities. The word "Kami" is generally translated "god" or "gods." However, the Kami bear little resemblance to the gods of monotheistic religions. There are no concepts which compare to the Christian beliefs in the wrath of God, his omnipotence and omni-presence, or the separation of God from humanity due to sin. There are numerous other deities who are conceptualized in many forms:
Those related to natural objects and creatures, from "food to rivers to rocks." 2
Guardian Kami of particular areas and clans
Exceptional people, including all but the last of the emperors.
Abstract creative forces

They are seen as generally benign; they sustain and protect the people. 9
About 84% of the population of Japan follow two religions: both Shinto and Buddhism. (As in much of Asia, Christianity is quite rarely. 12 Fewer than 1% of adults are Christians.) Buddhism first arrived in Japan from Korea and China during the 6th through 8th centuries CE. The two religions share a basic optimism about human nature, and for the world. Within Shinto, the Buddha was viewed as another "Kami". Meanwhile, Buddhism in Japan regarded the Kami as being manifestations of various Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Most weddings are performed by Shinto priests; funerals are performed by Buddhist priests.
Shinto does not have as fully developed a theology as do most other religions. It does not have its own moral code. Shintoists generally follow the code of Confucianism.
Their religious texts discuss the "High Plain of Heaven" and the "Dark Land" which is an unclean land of the dead, but give few details of the afterlife.
Ancestors are deeply revered and worshipped.
All of humanity is regarded as "Kami's child." Thus all human life and human nature is sacred.
Believers revere "musuhi", the Kamis' creative and harmonizing powers. They aspire to have "makoto", sincerity or true heart. This is regarded as the way or will of Kami.
Morality is based upon that which is of benefit to the group. "Shinto emphasizes right practice, sensibility, and attitude." 2
There are "Four Affirmations"in Shinto:
Tradition and the family: The family is seen as the main mechanism by which traditions are preserved. Their main celebrations relate to birth and marriage.
Love of nature: Nature is sacred; to be in contact with nature is to be close to the Gods. Natural objects are worshipped as sacred spirits.
Physical cleanliness: Followers of Shinto take baths, wash their hands, and rinse out their mouth often.
"Matsuri": The worship and honor given to the Kami and ancestral spirits.
The desire for peace, which was suppressed during World War II, has been restored.

Shinto Practices:

Shinto recognizes many sacred places: mountains, springs, etc.
Each shrine is dedicated to a specific Kami who has a divine personality and responds to sincere prayers of the faithful. When entering a shrine, one passes through a Tori a special gateway for the Gods. It marks the demarcation between the finite world and the infinite world of the Gods.
In the past, believers practiced "misogi,", the washing of their bodies in a river near the shrine. In recent years they only wash their hands and wash out their mouths in a wash basin provided within the shrine grounds.
Believers respect animals as messengers of the Gods. A pair of statues of "Koma-inu" (guard dogs) face each other within the temple grounds.
Shrine ceremonies, which include cleansing, offerings, prayers, and dances are directed to the Kami.
Kagura are ritual dances accompanied by ancient musical instruments. The dances are performed by skilled and trained dancers. They consist of young virgin girls, a group of men, or a single man.
Mamori are charms worn as an aid in healing and protection. They come in many different forms for various purposes.
An altar, the "Kami-dana" (Shelf of Gods), is given a central place in many homes.
Seasonal celebrations are held at spring planting, fall harvest, and special anniversaries of the history of a shrine or of a local patron spirit. A secular, country-wide National Founding Day is held on FEB-11 to commemorate the founding of Japan; this is the traditional date on which the first (mythical) emperor Jinmu ascended the throne in 660 BCE. Some shrines are believed to hold festivities on that day. Other festivals include: JAN 1-3 Shogatsu (New Year); MAR-3 Hinamatsuri (Girls' festival); MAY-5 Tango no Sekku (Boys' festival); JUL-7 Hoshi Matsuri (Star festival).
Followers are expected to visit Shinto shrines at the times of various life passages. For example, the Shichigosan Matsuri involves a blessing by the shrine Priest of girls aged three and seven and boys aged five. It is held on NOV-15.
Many followers are involved in the "offer a meal movement," in which each individual bypasses a breakfast (or another meal) once per month and donates the money saved to their religious organization for international relief and similar activity.
Origami ("Paper of the spirits"): This is a Japanese folk art in which paper is folded into beautiful shapes. They are often seen around Shinto shrines. Out of respect for the tree spirit that gave its life to make the paper, origami paper is never cut.